I have a design project on the go for someone but I suck at getting things done on a deadline right now… seriously I am so unmotivated… how am I ever going to do this as my job…?
Umm so I’m still alive… I just haven’t been using tumblr much at all… Life is still really all over the place for me but like I’ll get back here and interact with people again at some point. Its weird to come back occasionally and see that my followers never actually decrease and even still increase sometimes when I’m gone. Anyway whatever this isn’t half naked pictures of me so I’m sure no one actually cares….
I’m thinking about some of you even if I’m never in touch. I still think you are important even if I don’t really know you. I’ll stop being a flake eventually.
Found out a couple days ago that the wait time for the gender clinic at CamH is about 16 months (contrary to the 4 to 6 they advertise on their website…) and promptly had a pretty bad breakdown… I have been really all over the place since. I think I might seek some help for my depression and anxiety… I can’t go a year and a half just sucking all of this up… I need help for some part of it or the other… I’m still really afraid that it will set back surgery if I end up seeing someone about my depression and anxiety and stuff. But I don’t know… I feel like maybe if I don’t see someone I won’t be alive long enough to have surgery anyway… Fuck I don’t know how to even think about all of this….
Anonymous asked: your tits are so cute <3
Oh umm thanks.
“Transgender people have a 1-in-12 chance of being murdered, compared to the 1-in-18,000 chance faced by average Americans (Human Rights Campaign, 2009).”
just let that sink in for a second.
I went down a few hundred notes and it looks like only a small (vanishingly small) amount of people have criticized this.
First consideration: gender, most of these ‘trans people’ are actually trans women.
Second consideration: race. most of these ‘trans people’ are Black and/or Latina trans women, with a bunch of Asian trans women too (and a very tiny amount of white trans women).
Third consideration: geography. Latin American countries count for the vast majority of trans women of colour being murdered. (and obviously, race is dependent on location, so, in a place like Brazil with a significant of Black and/or Latina trans women and also where most deaths occur,)
Fourth consideration: class. often a good sized portion of the trans women of colour who are murdered are sex workers and/or poor. (note: trans woman of colour also face high levels of poverty and unemployment)
these four considerations combine to make one fact:
it is not trans people who have a 1 in 12 chance of being murdered.
a number that high might only really be applicable to trans women of colour in Brazil.
But you know who definitely doesn’t face that level of risk? white trans men (binary or not).
this is why pretending like trans women and trans men actually share experiences, form a coherent community does fuck all to actually help trans women of colour.
but it does allow white trans men to disproportionately take up space and resources because they can point to a statement like this
“1 in 12 trans people have a chance of being murdered”
without it being very likely that they’ll face that chance (nope, it gets off-loaded onto a trans woman of colour). but they get included and rewarded in organizations looking to have diversity points, without actually challenging the system. they get all the reward with very little of the risk.
alla this commentary yaaaassssss
Feeling super all over the place this morning… I don’t have anywhere to be today though so it will probably be ok. I think I am going to try and get some book binding done today so I can finally put it up on my etsy. I also think I might try putting on some makeup today since I have nowhere to be. I have kind of been putting it off. If it goes bad expect lots of super unhappy and dysphoric posts… if it goes well then expect some pictures maybe. I want to be able to wear makeup out in public and like not feel self conscious. I already get enough nasty interactions with people lately… kind of nervous of feminizing myself any more… but like I really want to start wearing makeup… anyway I guess we will see. Also I need to get a haircut or some shit… my hair is really bothering me.